Watch your back when you're out at night, Des Moines- reefer crazed ninjas are on the loose. What kind of world do we live in when bands ninja wander the streets accosting the citizenry for drugs and money? One that edges closer to some kind of bizarre anime; and I'm okay with that. lab notes:

It's been a Christmas of Ham. Melanie actually received a spiral cut smoked ham as a gift. We re-heated it a while ago and now the remains are stewing in pot. This is the second gigantic pot of ham stew this season. The first was the remains of a leg of pork foisted on us be Melanie's grandmother after Christmas dinner. Thankfully I received a bread machine so now we can munch on fresh aromatic loaves of pumpernickel rye while slurping down bowl after bowl of boiled pig and vegetables. If you are like me and received a bread machine for Christmas but have no idea what to do with it, don't despair

Go to your local library and check out "Bread Machine Magic" by by Linda Rehberg and Lois Conway. These are fantastic resources full of great recipes with clear and thorough guidance that covers an array of ingredients and machines. The best part- bread is cheap. Flour, whole grain cereal, water, vegetable oil, eggs, salt, yeast- all abundant, all cheap. I also recommend tracking down a pizza stone- one of those earthenware baking slabs. That's another gift that sits in a cupboard often underused. Ask a a friend, they probably have one lying around in it's original box. Combine it with a good pizza dough recipe for your bread machine and you're set- delicious pizza awaits you. lab notes:

Gathered round the old Tannenbaum this Christmas, we engaged in the traditional exchange of gifts wrapped in colored papers and banded with shining ribbon. And what gifts- plentiful and good, given and accepted with good humor and appreciation. And what sacrifices did we make for such a lovely holiday you ask?

O Tannenbaum

So Many Lights!

Fortunately there was but one true sacrifice made; and that for the tree. A real, really green, and really scented, tree. It was a living organism at some point, as evidenced by its woody nature. However, at some point after its early demise a preservation attempt akin to embalming seems to have been performed. Executed with a green, pine scented "industrial coating", it left our household members, especially Melanie, wheezing and sore-throated. Yes; we are allergic to our Christmas tree and the mold, dust, and foul chemicals astride is evergreen boughs.

Brian

Dustin

Erin

Mel

Merlin

Tom

Trikki

To be honest, 2006 was a year of finely executed holiday rituals. The cards stuffed with photos from our Summer excursions left our mailbox with weeks to spare. The gifts, purchased mostly before December, were deftly wrapped and placed well in advance. Strings of lights anointed the front yard shrubbery in November!

And as for those plentiful gifts? Melanie and I received the following: a lovely calendar featuring works by Alfonse Mucha, A spiral cut, hickory-smoked ham, a cheesecake, an iPod nano, a smoothie recipe guide, a bread machine with bread mix and alcoholic jams, lovely glass coasters for the studio bar, slippers for her, work gloves for me, a glowstick necklace, a communist themed lined notebook with tabbed dividers, pirate themed buttons and key chain, a sturdy outdoor gas burner and stand for wok and cook pot, several movies including the Lord of the Rings Platinum edition DVD boxed set, The Court Jester starring Danny Kaye, and the Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest, Orbital: Insides, Star Trek figurines, assorted gift cards, and a few other bits I'm sure I neglected to mention. A spectacular haul, no doubt, but all that pales in comparison to the best gift- I asked Melanie to marry me, and she accepted!