Ten words in length? I'm already on that, sweet thang. I have to wonder sometimes. If a pregnant woman dies, does the undertaker charge for two embalmings? Would it be possible to get the guy to remove the fetorpse and bury it separately?

If you're the sort who believes the tumor was a person the moment you started screwing, it's probably not an unusual request. There are probably catalogs for tiny, fetus-sized coffins. And damn, are those expensive! You wouldn't think they would be, given the size. I mean, a coffee can would work perfectly and would probably smell better. If you had a sense of humor about the whole thing, you could probably use a One Whole Chicken can to do the job. You could probably leave the can open and no one would be able to tell the difference between your mulligan child and the original product. I'll bet you the bones would be just as flexible as one of those inexpensive stewed fryers.

Personally, I'd think that the whole procedure would be pretty straightforward so long as you cut the umbilical cord first. Once you've pumped someone full of embalming fluid and left the cord exposed, it'd get all brittle and shatter. It's also possible that it'd end up just stiff enough to pass for ropy jerky. Well, jerky that smells like formaldehyde. I'll bet anyone five bucks that you could slip one of those things unnoticed into the canister of beef sticks at the gas station. I suppose that if you got there early enough, you could get the coroner to save you the placenta.

God knows I would.

You wouldn't even need to come up with a flimsy excuse to get it. "It's going to be thrown away one way or another, so I might as well see how we taste." Heck, it's probably the same thing you'd say to the people in the delivery room if your sexmate hadn't washed down those pills with a fifth of vodka. I can imagine the post-funeral barbeque now. "Hey Ted, sorry about Darla. What's that delicious cut of meat you've got on the grill? Is that a hickory barbecue sauce?" "Well Jimbo, that's Darla's placenta. I was going to eat it after the child was born, but there's no sense in letting it go to waste now. Get a plate."

Though I have no intention of ever having cancer, I've already asked my friends to save the placenta for me if they ever decide to spawn. I bet it'll be delicious. Well, it certainly will be, once I give it a nice glaze and bake it till done. It also strikes me as odd that no one at a fetal funeral ever says "Hey honey, we all start off with tails! I'll be damned, perhaps there is something to this evolution thing after all." But I suppose that the ones most likely to bury their noisy parasites wouldn't ever make the connection.

Comments

bruce42
Wed, 11/16/2005 - 13:05
Recipies
Apparantly, placenta subsitutes well for beef in many recipies. This site offers some placenta use suggestions. Oddly, some disdain placenta consumption as cannibalism. From a Western cultural standpoint, yes, eating placenta is odd, but cannibalism?