Okay, just about every idiot out there has heard that the Mayan calendar(which is supposedly startlingly accurate) either ends entirely or rolls over to another metacycle in 2012 or so, depending on who you're talking to. Well, you can add another crazy as fuck bunch of people to the list. There's some hippies out there who claim that we're actually a bunch of extraterrestrials who got stranded or something on Earth. I guess this rock is a big cosmic Stuckey's and humans are waiting for someone to pick up our reeking hitchhiker asses.

In 2012 or so, possibly not until 2017, the whole planet is going to enter a "photonic belt" and the whole place is going to get fried like a cheap burrito. When this happens, there'll be horrible catastrophes and we'll all be turned into cosmic space babies like the end of 2001. Whether or not we first have to rub against a shiny rock first is unknown. First, there's going to be a 'dead zone' that wipes out all our electronics for three days. Then, shortly after, it'll all start working again. But it'll be because of 'photonic energy,' which is apparently not a made-up concept. Then, we'll also get jacked up on this 'photonic energy' and will no longer require food, air, or even pants.

That's day two, by the way.

After the couple of days of darkness, it's going to be daylight ALL THE TIME for years. But I guess it won't drive everyone crazy and cancerous because we'll all be immortal and chock full of 'photonic energy.' Most people won't be able to take this space baby transformation and will die in the process of becoming wonderful godlike beings of happiness. This mostly includes Xtians and the like, people who aren't 'in tune' with the planet. Oh, and then aliens will help us all out with the transition. In the end, I hope this idea catches on just enough to spawn a whole stack of death cults that self-destruct in a violent manner. Hell, they don't have to be that violent as long as there's a sizable body count.

Mother of blessed whores, who comes up with this crap?

Comments

bruce42
Tue, 12/06/2005 - 19:48
Cheap Burrito
Tying the Mayan Long Count, or Baktun- a cycle of approxiamtely 394 years, with any event bordering on apocalyptic is silly. Yes, a Baktun's onset was both an auspicious and fearful occasion, but it was hardly a prediction of world-ending cataclysm or change. The Long Count is really a mixed base-20/base-18 representation of a number, representing the number of days since the start of the Mayan era. Depending on when the Mayan calendar began in terms of our own calendar, the Long count will reach 13.0.0.0.0 again December, 2012. The thing is, the Mayan calendar is cyclical, not linear and bounded. And while the Mayans would probably have regarded this particular rollover to be extremely significant, assiging it cosmic proportions seems rather silly. I Googled "2012 photonic energy" and came up with this gem of a link. You will require a new form of energy —photonic— to make your electrical appliances work, which will soon be altered. By the hippie alien repair man?

There were two reasons by which the Sun was adjusting and positioning itself safely so that it could go directly into the Photon Belt. First, the Belt is an interdimensional event that requires that the Sun penetrate it in a position of approximate phase (the Sun must be at a level relatively low in activity and must be in conditions to easily adapt to the rapid changes that imply entering the Belt). Secondly, Earth must be supervised and procedures that align the interdimensional energetic bodies of your planet to the degree of the rapid changes that will take place before and immediately after entering the Belt must be executed by means of the use of an interdimensional hologram.

Wow.

"Your mission is to obey the commands of whoever is able to strike the Master Key of Electricity... I once read in a book that all things are regulated by exact laws of nature" - SPAM

bruce42
Tue, 12/06/2005 - 20:01
Time Lords
The return to the space family will mark an important change in the space relationship of Earth with the Universe. The Lords of Time that control this particular entryway in the Photon Belt will be sure that this planet have a change both in consciousness and in physical relationship. Now everything makes sense. As long as Time Lords are involved, it should be cool.
"Your mission is to obey the commands of whoever is able to strike the Master Key of Electricity... I once read in a book that all things are regulated by exact laws of nature" - SPAM

forcedperfect
Thu, 12/08/2005 - 01:05
the time lords rule everything, forever.
boop beep beep beep booop beep boop! folgers crystals!

bruce42
Fri, 12/09/2005 - 10:15
Appliances
Of course, this does mean that our appliances could indeed be altered to harness this "photonic energy"- the Sonic Screwdriver does all! All this talk of Dr. Who inspires nostalgia as I have recently learned the BBC is no longer selling broadcast rights for the old series. Yup, good old PBS no longer carries the oldies; however, "The Beeb" is pushing the new series starring Christopher Eccleston as the ninth incarnation of The Doctor, David Tennant as the tenth, and Billie Piper as his new companion, Rose Tyler. Oh yeah, Robots of Death is definitely one of the better episodes; evar.
"Your mission is to obey the commands of whoever is able to strike the Master Key of Electricity... I once read in a book that all things are regulated by exact laws of nature" - SPAM