Currently watching an early Clinton-era film on the "Homosexual Agenda." I had no idea we were so rich, powerful or insidious. Trent Lott is featured in this, I'm not making it up. I'd rather like to hook up with whoever it is that's in charge of this sodomy-based old boy network. I've certainly never been approached by the shadowy homosexual power structure and I'm rather insulted by the fact. There's even a gay rights march with people chanting "We're here, we're queer, we're going to rule the world." As one AIDS patient and former homosexual said, "God has healed me of that need to have an emotional bond with other men." Somehow, I don't think God felt like curing you of that AIDS, so you must not be that much better off.

Modern day miracle? Not even close.

It wouldn't surprise me if there ended up being a patron saint of abruptly reversed sexuality. I envision something like Saint Flora of Fransisco, who saw an angel of the Lord and was inspired to quit the carpet-munching and get married. Eventually, there was a Saint Patrick style driving out of the homosexuals of San Fransisco, so that musical theater could be enjoyed by families who didn't want to walk past the swishy people in the lobby. Years after her death, numerous 'miracle' conversions to heterosexuality were deemed to a be a good reason for canonization. Eventually, there'd be medals to tuck into a child's underwear for protection and even an Irish drinking holiday.

Comments

bruce42
Sun, 10/02/2005 - 23:53
Patron Saints
Well I did just browse the Catholic Community Forums Patron Saint Index by Topic and discovered no patron saint against homosexuality- Abortion, arm pain, death by artillery, dying alone, hernias, losing keys and earthquakes; but no "against gays". I'm actually rather surprised. As comprehensive as the list is, you'd think they'd have nailed that one. Anyway, welcome to the USL, dude. Be sure to read Node 276. We've an entire forum dedicated to the simultaneously wonderful and absurd modern Japanese culture. I'm also pretty darn open to site feedback, so yeah, let me know if shit sucks or whatever.
"Your mission is to obey the commands of whoever is able to strike the Master Key of Electricity... I once read in a book that all things are regulated by exact laws of nature" - SPAM

D3F1L3
Thu, 10/13/2005 - 06:36
The Dark Emperor Fabulous
Bob, of all the penis loving men I've met, you are the one that came first to mind when I thought of who could possibly start a "shadowy homosexual power structure" Maybe it's your destiny? You'll have to get some power first, tho... -- D