Okay, we're having a Halloween party out at the estate. This matter is solely in my brother's hands, since I don't want to deal with the bother of it all. I, however, have a couple inspirations to deal with right now. So, I've decided to build us a wickerman for Halloween. We've got enough wood and brush that it shouldn't be a problem. I'd prefer that we stuff it with criminals, but that's not an option at this juncture. I went looking for more info and discovered that the wickerman is supposed to be a Beltaine tradition.

Fuck Beltaine and fuck tradition! I wanna set a gigantic effigy ablaze on Halloween and no damn hippie holiday in May is going to stop me. Looking at the fire ring, I'll probably have to expand that, too. We've got the cinderblock to do so, so it won't be too difficult to achieve. If only it weren't raining today. Desperately waiting to hear back from the TV station I interviewed at the other day. I want that job so freaking bad, I'll kick a puppy if I get hired.

A few weeks ago at work, I crushed a finger and the nail died. The old nail has finally been pushed out and disconnected itself from my digit. There's now a sad, rigid stump where I once had a nail. Just ask me, I'll show you the protonail. I'll admit to having a problem when it comes to temptation. I walked in Gamers today and left with a DS, the new Advance Wars, and Nintendogs. Yes, I got Nintendogs. For the time being, anyway. I now have an excessively cute dachshund made entirely of electrons. Most of the game uses the stylus instead of buttons and it works pretty well. Dual screens allow you to flip through menus without losing sight of the cute, yet fictional dog.

Thus far, Menchi knows his name and comes when called. He can also sit, which I taught him to do. The microphone picks up his name and commands pretty well so far, though it leads to noisy play sessions. "Menchi!" "Sit!" ""Bob," quit shouting. Are you still playing that game? You know, that's a really girly reason to get a DS. Why didn't you get a PSP?" "Fuck the PSP! If I wanted a crappy video player and no games for more money, I'd waste my cash on a portable DVD player. Then, I wouldn't have to re-buy Super Troopers to watch it."

Fuck you all, I'm going to keep my fictional puppy. Sure, it's just a virtual pet. It's Nintendo, so it's got a polish on it that Blizzard is envious of. The way the dog moves and responds to 'affection' is far too endearing to pass up. I totally need to see if I can use it to get chicks now. The PSP is crap. That's all you really need to know about it. For every good thing about it, there's a glaring flaw with the execution.

Good thing 1: It plays movies. Flipside: You have to pay full retail for your movies again and it'll never play on anything else.

Good thing 2: It's got a really nice screen. Flipside: They've been taking back units with defective screens since release. Something about dead pixels.

Good thing 3: Sony can buy a lot of third-party titles. Flipside: How many good games for the PSP have you heard about? My point exactly.

Good thing 4: It's got stuff. Flipside: I dropped about $150 for a used DS and two used games. A used PSP with nothing else was $200. I could get the competing handheld and four games at the cost of the PSP, all on the used market. It's pretty close to that if I buy them new, as well.

Good thing 5: It's got a USB port. Flipside: Sony goes out of their way to make homebrew applications unusable with every firmware update.

Good thing 6: It plays video. Flipside: When it launched, the PSP played a few common video file formats. This was stopped with the aforementioned "updates." God forbid the consumer can USE the device for purposes that don't require handing money to Sony.

I also have Advance Wars: Dual Strike. I expect to be in battle for the forseeable future. Since the game contains all the maps from AW 1 and 2, you may miss me.

Currently watching an early Clinton-era film on the "Homosexual Agenda." I had no idea we were so rich, powerful or insidious. Trent Lott is featured in this, I'm not making it up. I'd rather like to hook up with whoever it is that's in charge of this sodomy-based old boy network. I've certainly never been approached by the shadowy homosexual power structure and I'm rather insulted by the fact. There's even a gay rights march with people chanting "We're here, we're queer, we're going to rule the world." As one AIDS patient and former homosexual said, "God has healed me of that need to have an emotional bond with other men." Somehow, I don't think God felt like curing you of that AIDS, so you must not be that much better off.

Modern day miracle? Not even close.

It wouldn't surprise me if there ended up being a patron saint of abruptly reversed sexuality. I envision something like Saint Flora of Fransisco, who saw an angel of the Lord and was inspired to quit the carpet-munching and get married. Eventually, there was a Saint Patrick style driving out of the homosexuals of San Fransisco, so that musical theater could be enjoyed by families who didn't want to walk past the swishy people in the lobby. Years after her death, numerous 'miracle' conversions to heterosexuality were deemed to a be a good reason for canonization. Eventually, there'd be medals to tuck into a child's underwear for protection and even an Irish drinking holiday.