Watch your back when you're out at night, Des Moines- reefer crazed ninjas are on the loose. What kind of world do we live in when bands ninja wander the streets accosting the citizenry for drugs and money? One that edges closer to some kind of bizarre anime; and I'm okay with that. lab notes:

It's been a Christmas of Ham. Melanie actually received a spiral cut smoked ham as a gift. We re-heated it a while ago and now the remains are stewing in pot. This is the second gigantic pot of ham stew this season. The first was the remains of a leg of pork foisted on us be Melanie's grandmother after Christmas dinner. Thankfully I received a bread machine so now we can munch on fresh aromatic loaves of pumpernickel rye while slurping down bowl after bowl of boiled pig and vegetables. If you are like me and received a bread machine for Christmas but have no idea what to do with it, don't despair

Go to your local library and check out "Bread Machine Magic" by by Linda Rehberg and Lois Conway. These are fantastic resources full of great recipes with clear and thorough guidance that covers an array of ingredients and machines. The best part- bread is cheap. Flour, whole grain cereal, water, vegetable oil, eggs, salt, yeast- all abundant, all cheap. I also recommend tracking down a pizza stone- one of those earthenware baking slabs. That's another gift that sits in a cupboard often underused. Ask a a friend, they probably have one lying around in it's original box. Combine it with a good pizza dough recipe for your bread machine and you're set- delicious pizza awaits you. lab notes:

Gathered round the old Tannenbaum this Christmas, we engaged in the traditional exchange of gifts wrapped in colored papers and banded with shining ribbon. And what gifts- plentiful and good, given and accepted with good humor and appreciation. And what sacrifices did we make for such a lovely holiday you ask?

O Tannenbaum

So Many Lights!

Fortunately there was but one true sacrifice made; and that for the tree. A real, really green, and really scented, tree. It was a living organism at some point, as evidenced by its woody nature. However, at some point after its early demise a preservation attempt akin to embalming seems to have been performed. Executed with a green, pine scented "industrial coating", it left our household members, especially Melanie, wheezing and sore-throated. Yes; we are allergic to our Christmas tree and the mold, dust, and foul chemicals astride is evergreen boughs.

Brian

Dustin

Erin

Mel

Merlin

Tom

Trikki

To be honest, 2006 was a year of finely executed holiday rituals. The cards stuffed with photos from our Summer excursions left our mailbox with weeks to spare. The gifts, purchased mostly before December, were deftly wrapped and placed well in advance. Strings of lights anointed the front yard shrubbery in November!

And as for those plentiful gifts? Melanie and I received the following: a lovely calendar featuring works by Alfonse Mucha, A spiral cut, hickory-smoked ham, a cheesecake, an iPod nano, a smoothie recipe guide, a bread machine with bread mix and alcoholic jams, lovely glass coasters for the studio bar, slippers for her, work gloves for me, a glowstick necklace, a communist themed lined notebook with tabbed dividers, pirate themed buttons and key chain, a sturdy outdoor gas burner and stand for wok and cook pot, several movies including the Lord of the Rings Platinum edition DVD boxed set, The Court Jester starring Danny Kaye, and the Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest, Orbital: Insides, Star Trek figurines, assorted gift cards, and a few other bits I'm sure I neglected to mention. A spectacular haul, no doubt, but all that pales in comparison to the best gift- I asked Melanie to marry me, and she accepted!

We made a trek to Minneapolis recently, and by that I mean nearly 3 weeks past.

Yes, I'm a bit behind.

Fine.

A lot behind, but now you know and knowing is half the battle - Yo Joe Anyway, the trip itself was eventful, quite eventful actually, but in good ways. The impetus for our excursion was the Minnesota Renn Faire held in Shakopee every year. As usual, it was quite fun especially attired as pirates.

Recent photographic evidence suggests that death rolls in a Ford. Interpret how you will, but I feel the images are conclusive.

I respect his choice economical and reliable. I imagine he finds the sport tuned suspension, modest fuel consumption, and reliable drive train great features. And in the backseat? Pirates of course.

Yes there are still pirates out there, even in Minnesota, and damned souls they are, it is not odd to find several in the presence of death. I know some of you are wondering why they aren't in Davy Jones' Locker- but the answer is obvious. Minnesota is land-locked, and we've seen death's preference for efficiency. My guess is that he's on his way to one of the legendary "10,000 lakes" to cram their scurvy souls into Bob Johnson's tackle box or some such.

My youngest sibling, Heavy Pie, was without costume; the appreciation of a bright red Captain's Coat and Festooned Floppy Hat certainly improved the coherence of our roving band.

On this latest outing, I noticed a trend in dress; that being a marked decrease in the number of costumed attendees. Perhaps it's a matter of timing, after all we did attend the last open weekend, but if the observation holds, it's a saddening prospect. Half the fun of the Renn Faire is dressing up and acting goofy- actually it's kind of the point. Showing up in your ratty jeans while sporting your favorite garishly day-glo NASCAR ball cap defeats the purpose. We started the day with a round of nips from the flask, run of course, and drank heartily from our wooden mugs of Mr. Pib and Spcied Rum. Good times. After 6 hours of rum, mud, and fun, we lowered main's'l and made for berth

Once home, it was time for root beers with rum, and once attired in our street clothes, pizza and Psycho Suzie's. Psycho Suzie's is a tiki bar that serves up a mean pizza, and some meaner drinks. I mean that, too. Mel and I ordered one drink to share and that was more than sufficient- of course, we wound up finishing everyone else's drinks including our own.

Sufficiently lacquered, we made our way to First Ave. for a little house music- which turned out to be a lot of house music. Like a whole bunch. More than enough. A couple of rum and cokes from the bar made the tunes a bit more booty-shakeable. More good times.

The next morning we shuffled into activity, as best as liquor addled brains would allow, and headed out for the Marjorie McNeely Conservatory. As usual we had a grand time and snapped plenty of photos.

Unfortunately the fall sun was intense and low in the sky so a good number were washed out. We grabbed a few goodies from the gift shop, including a very young ficus bonsai-to-be. Not sure if it is going to make it. It's dropped it's leaves, not uncommon for a freshly moved ficus, but it's still worrisome. Eh, we're just not meant to have bonsai and will probably be giving our few little pots away for holiday gifts.